Your Invite to the Google Christmas Party

I have been advised that you did not get the last minute changes. Please see memo paper trail attached to get up to speed. See U at the party +[:-)






----- Original Messages -----
From:
To:
Sent: Wednesday, December 21, 2009 2:31 PM
Subject: The Christmas Party

>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 1
>> > > RE: Annual Office Christmas Party
>> > >
>> > > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
>> > > will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the
>> > > private function room at the Grill House. There will be
>> > > a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
>> > > playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along. And
>> > > don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
>> > > Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange
>> > > of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however,
>> > > no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
>> > > easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
>> > > employees! A special announcement will be made by our
>> > > CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>> > >
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 2
>> > > RE: Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
>> > > Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an
>> > > important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas,
>> > > though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
>> > > we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
>> > > applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
>> > > those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will
>> > > be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.
>> > > We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>> > > Happy now?
>> > >
>> > > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 3
>> > > RE: Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
>> > > Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't
>> > > sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request,
>> > > but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you
>> > > wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
>> > > handle this? Somebody?
>> > >
>> > > Forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since
>> > > the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
>> > > executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFT
>> > > EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>> > >
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 7
>> > > RE: Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December
>> > > 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
>> > > eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
>> > > party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this
>> > > time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
>> > > beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
>> > > your meal until the end of the party or else package every-
>> > > thing for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy.
>> > > Will that work?
>> > >
>> > > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to
>> > > sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women
>> > > will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed
>> > > to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay
>> > > men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a
>> > > flower arrangement for the gay men's table. However, to the
>> > > person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing
>> > > allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.
>> > > Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
>> > > control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people
>> > > with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh
>> > > fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply
>> > > "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
>> > >
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Fucking Employees
>> > > DATE: December 10
>> > > RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > Vegetarians!! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
>> > > keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or
>> > > not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the
>> > > "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get
>> > > your fuc*&ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
>> > > know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
>> > > slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
>> > > right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive
>> > > drunk and die, you hear me?
>> > >
>> > > The Bit*&h from H*&LL!
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>> > > DATE: December 14
>> > > RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a
>> > > speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards
>> > > to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
>> > > our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the
>> > > 23rd off with full pay.
>> > >
>> > > Happy Holidays!
>> > >
>> > > PS: HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEKEND!!!
>
>

Obviously this was not from Google - Satire - I hope it brightened your day, Lol Aunk - tis the season to be merry and Culturally Healthy, don't for get.