Happy Holiday 2005

Happy Holiday
2005

I wish you and yours a culturally healthy and happy holiday.

Rudy Aunk

Every year on behalf of the Cultural Literacy Project and in the interest of cultural health. I take great pleasure in sending out a holiday greeting. This year's greeting above was shorter then most years, so I could provide you with some additional information.

This year I was asked by my daughter in-law, if I would go to my honorable grandson's kindergarten class and introduce them to Kwanzaa. The teacher was having parents from different ethnic groups in, to talk about their respective holidays.

This was a great opportunity to improve Cultural Health at the beginning of the human life cycle instead of in the middle, or at the end, as I am usually doing. Naturally, I went and great fun was had by all. It had been a long time since I had been in kindergarten, and I had forgotten how open and flexible young children are.

I taught them and they taught me. The take home lesson for me was, the reminder that you catch more bees with honey then you do with vinegar.

Undoubtedly some of you cultural soldiers will run into culturally insensitive individuals this season, as you have in the past. I would caution you, be gentle. As you know some right wing zealots have been telling their flock that Christmas is under attack. While this is not true, it has lead to some adverse reactions by some of the less culturally healthy adults here in America.

Note the following series of memos as an example of what I am talking about.

----- Original Message -----
From:
To:
Sent: Wednesday, December 14, 2005 2:31 PM
Subject: The Christmas Party
THIS IS A RIOT.........WHEN YOU GUYS HAVE TIME, PLEASE READ!
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 1
>> > > RE: Annual Office Christmas Party
>> > >
>> > > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party
>> > > will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the
>> > > private function room at the Grill House. There will be
>> > > a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band
>> > > playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along. And
>> > > don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
>> > > Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 p.m. Exchange
>> > > of gifts among employees can be done at that time, however,
>> > > no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
>> > > easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for
>> > > employees! A special announcement will be made by our
>> > > CEO at that time! Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>> > >
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 2
>> > > RE: Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our
>> > > Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an
>> > > important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas,
>> > > though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
>> > > we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
>> > > applies to any other employees who are not Christians or
>> > > those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will
>> > > be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung.
>> > > We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>> > > Happy now?
>> > >
>> > > Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 3
>> > > RE: Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
>> > > Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't
>> > > sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request,
>> > > but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only" you
>> > > wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
>> > > handle this? Somebody?
>> > >
>> > > Forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since
>> > > the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and
>> > > executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFT
>> > > EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>> > >
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Employees
>> > > DATE: December 7
>> > > RE: Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December
>> > > 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
>> > > eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
>> > > party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this
>> > > time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
>> > > beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving
>> > > your meal until the end of the party or else package every-
>> > > thing for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy.
>> > > Will that work?
>> > >
>> > > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to
>> > > sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women
>> > > will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed
>> > > to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay
>> > > men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a
>> > > flower arrangement for the gay men's table. However, to the
>> > > person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing
>> > > allowed. We will have booster seats for short people.
>> > > Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot
>> > > control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people
>> > > with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh
>> > > fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply
>> > > "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?
>> > >
>> > > Patty
>> > >
>> > > +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>> > > TO: All Fucking Employees
>> > > DATE: December 10
>> > > RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > Vegetarians!! I've had it with you people!!! We're going to
>> > > keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or
>> > > not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the
>> > > "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get
>> > > your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
>> > > know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you
>> > > slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
>> > > right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive
>> > > drunk and die, you hear me?
>> > >
>> > > The Bitch from HELL!
>> > >
>> > > ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>> > >
>> > > FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>> > > DATE: December 14
>> > > RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
>> > >
>> > > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a
>> > > speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards
>> > > to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
>> > > our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the
>> > > 23rd off with full pay.
>> > >
>> > > Happy Holidays!
>> > >
>> > > PS: HAVE A FANTASTIC WEEKEND!!!
>
>


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